Hi. As I was waiting for my ride in the blistering heat - the kind of heat that makes oranges sweat juice - a girl walked past me with long hair and a top knot. This got me thinking about the top knot. Like what's up with that? In my very unimportant opinion, top knots are to mankind what Trump is to politics, a joke. The whole point of tying your hair up is for (1) convenience (2) heat management and (3) in some circumstances a matter of life and death, say, what if your hair got caught in between the cogs of a giant machine?
I know it's trending, or at least, was trending (I can't seem to keep up with the crop-topped-tote-toting cool kids on the block, what with their long boards and round glasses). But trend (or fashion faux pas) aside, it's a hairstyle that isn't just an aberration it's unpractical because it's pretty much guaranteed to cause heat stroke or provoke a violent outburst.
Why?
Because wearing a top knot makes you look like something shat on top of your head or like human version of a Teletubby or like you're wearing a dunce cap made out of hair.
Look, at the end of the day it's all good because while I'd rather be punched in the boob than be caught dead with the least most sensible part of my hair tied in a bun, it's just me. And if you're the type of person who rolls with a top knot then that's cool too. Just know that it's nothing against you as a person (I'm sure you're very lovely), your head just looks it's got a big button on it begging people to say ugly things behind your condom-shaped back. And people being people, will.
In fact. I think I just did.
But enough of that. There are more important things to spend time contemplating like the polar ice caps melting, the plight of polar bears and the constant raping of our oceans by Japanese trawlers. Or, more poignantly, how all of these crushing realities sit hidden in the shadows of "real" issues like what product you're pedalling in your sponsored blog post and who wore what to where.
END.
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