BOYS AND THEIR EUPHEMISMS

SO. QUICK POST. FUNNY STORY. YESTERDAY - QUITE POSSIBLY THE DAY BEFORE - I WAS CHATTING TO A BOY, WHO IS ALSO A FRIEND, AND HE RELAYED A CONVERSATION HE HAD WITH HIS GUY, UH, FRIEND. IT WENT LIKE THIS (I'M PARAPHRASING):

HIM: I WAS CHATTING TO [...] THE OTHER DAY. HE'S SUPER OBSESSED WITH THIS GIRL. AND I SAID, HEY [...] WHAT WILL YOU ACTUALLY DO IF YOU MANAGE TO GET WITH THAT? AND HE SAID, "I'LL FLATTEN THAT."

I LAUGHED. A LOT BUT THEN I THOUGHT ABOUT IT. AND THOUGHT IT. AND THOUGHT ABOUT IT AND REALISED THAT I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANT.

BY THAT, I TAKE IT, IT'S IN REFERENCE TO A VAGINA. YOU KNOW LIKE "GET THAT, GET SOME, TAP THAT...?" AND TO FLATTEN, I'M GUESSING WOULD BE LIKE TO "POUND, PENETRATE, ENTER...?"

SO, IT'S A GUY'S WAY OF SAYING HE'D REALLY LIKE TO HAVE SEX WITH A GIRL. AND IT DEFINITELY DOESN'T MEAN HE WANTS TO FLATTEN HER LADY BITS BECAUSE, SERIOUSLY, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH A FLAT VAGINA, WEAR IT ON YOUR FACE? BUT THEN YOU'D LOOK LIKE A POES.

ANYWAYS.

SO I THOUGHT OF SOME MORE SEX-RELATED EUPHEMISMS, HERE THEY ARE:

BANG
BONE
BONKING
TAP THAT
HIT THAT
SHAKE THAT
TAKE THAT DOWN
TAKE IT DOWN TO POUND TOWN
GET UP ALL IN THAT
KNOCKING ANKLES
RUBBING UGLIES
BUMPING BICUITS
BUMPING BELLIES
BEATING GUTS
SLAPPING SKIN SUITS
BOW CHICA-WOW-WOW
DO THE HORIZONTAL SHUFFLE
DANCING IN THE SHEETS
THE FOUR-LEGGED FOX TROT
A BIT OF THE OLD IN OUT, IN OUT
A BIT OF "HOW'S YOUR FATHER"
HIDING THE SAUSAGE/SALAMI, OR IF YOU'RE SOUTH AFRICAN, POLONY
RIDING THE PONY
FEEDING THE KITTY

AND THEN I FOUN THIS: 400 EUPHEMISMS FOR SEXUAL INTERCOURSE

CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT I MUCH PREFER TO CALL IT WHAT IT IS, CLEANING THE COBWEBS WITH THE WOMB BROOM.