Facebook Stalking.

Yes, you creepy motherfucker, stalking. With the birth of facebook came a new breed of online deviance-I mean behaviour. I've done it, you do it, everyone'll try it at least once. Fact. But even facebook stalking has etiquette. I've prioritized it into a list for easy reading:

Online stalking ethos:

• Don't use your own account to "explore", borrow your brother/sister's. First prize would be a sibling who is friends with the person you're wanting to "get to know"(I think the word stalk is a bit harsh).
• If you don't have sibling(s), shame, use a friend who you trust implicitly. 
• If you don't have a friend who will lend you their account, ask yourself "Do I have any friends?" If the answer is no... I dont know what to say, that thought gives me spooky goosebumps.
• Don't leave any trace evidence. Don't comment, poke or otherwise vandalise the person's wall. That goes against the very essence of being curiously inconspicuous and it's just plain ridiculous.
• Delete your browsing history, mainly for your own benefit. This is like the proverbial tree, without witnesses, did you actually do it? 
• It's only really stalking if you can't send them a friend request because that would be too weird/awkies. 
• Don't stalk your squeeze's ex(s), this will only make you feel fat/ugly/depressed - even if he/she's a pirate hooker (chances are he/she is or else they'd still be together). Worse still, you'll never be able to talk to them about it, which means you'll have a secret that'll eat at your soul - forever - until you're a soulless void of constant comparison. Just don't do it. 
• Don't stalk your ex(s)... for the same reason as the point above. It's gut-wrenching to see them with someone hotter than you. And then you'll have to start stalking the new inamorata/o too and that's how shit gets complicated. For reals. 
• Dress appropriately. You might be behind your computer for a while, bring a jersey and a juicey. 
• Stay hydrated.
• If you're going to be masturbating, bring a damp hand towel.
• Don't masturbate at your friends house, take mental pictures and use the back of your eyelids later. 
• Have fun but not too much fun.

The end. 

Ok bye.