Neurosis

Are we all neurotic or are some more than others? Ummm. what the fuck are my neurosis, ok speak to some and they'll start listing them but they're just being buttheads. Ok, well seriously for the really real. let me think...

1. When I shower, I follow the same routine (under the belief that if I do anything out of sync, something bad will happen during the day or something good depending on whether I'm pessimistic that day/night or brimming with obnoxious positivity. Like now, I'm pretty urgh, tres pathetic, go on feel sorry for me {not} so if I were to wash in another way, I might be tempting fate with my life...).

2. If I get drunk and pass out, at four am-without fail-yes now this shit is true-I wake up in a panic and obsess over how much of an idiot made of myself. it gets so bad that my heart starts racing and my legs get'a twitching and I cannot sleep. I've taken sleeping tablets before after enduring such an episode, and you know what, they didn't EVEN work. I'm wracked with feelings of embarrassment, guilt, shame, general social mortification and as I lay there I make a pact with the Universe that I'll never drink again, but I do and the vicious cycle continues.

3. I save each and every insect that's drowning in the pool, even ants and flies. I do not discriminate. I've tried to watch something drown but I can't and I don't stop until each bug is safely on dry land airing their creepy buggy wings. Well, I try and save anything unless it's a snail-sorry snails-I throw those over the wall. that way there is no sure way to tell that they have passed on, so it stands to debate whether or not I am solely responsible for their demise. I sleep better at night that way. Once I saved a crab, a monster crab, on the beach from a Seagull. It scared me but I saved it and then I buried it with sand so that the Seagulls couldn't find it. In retaliation they plunged back into the sea to grab another, my heart fell and I walked away. Seagulls = 1. Girl = 0.